Exchange has come to a close and my newfound friends have hit the road back to the United States of America, Spain and god knows where else. So here I am in Paris back at square one. Alone.
I pride myself on being someone who is independent, but there comes a time where I confuse being alone with being lonely. I can go to museums, coffee shops, dinners, and even sit and read a book alone in a park and be perfectly content. It is not until I come home and check social media that I start to doubt the happiness I’ve found in my time alone.
I feel judged by other people’s friend group photos. Seeing other people happy while together somehow equates to me being sad while alone. Its completely irrational but has been something I have felt long before I moved to Paris. And if being on exchange has taught me anything at all – it is that you cannot run away from your problems.
The fact that I was able to feel at my saddest in Paris (the place that was supposed to be my escape, my safe haven, the place where my problems were suppose to go away) was proof to me that regardless of where you are, the only thing that will make your problems go away, is working towards solving them.
Instead of avoiding the unhappy feelings I experience when friends do not surround me, I have decided to throw myself into finding a friend in me, and finding a way to be at peace with solidarity.
I have decided to really push my socially anxious self-deprecating self, by choosing the MOST STRESSFUL places to go in Paris, and force myself to go alone!!! WHAT BETTER WAY TO FEEL ALIVE!!
PLEASE FOLLOW ME ALONG ON THIS JOURNEY – (IF YOU DON’T IMAGINE HOW PATHETIC I WILL LOOK !!!!)