Secret to Achieving Warmth and Happiness!!!!

With only a month left in the city of lights, (I repeat “lights” not “love” there is NOTHING LOVE INDUCING ABOUT DATING A PARISIAN BOY, but I digress (who’s mad???))) I’m trying to be at peace with being alone while simultaneously living the most authentic Parisian life humanly possible.

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This has proven to be rather difficult because my only human contact comes from the 2-year-old girl I babysit (thus lonely), every single day for 8 hours (thus not much time to be an authentic Parisian). But I’ve found a really great method that has helped me to cope with loneliness, so I figured being the good hearted Samaritan that I am, I would share it with my lovely followers (ALL 16 OF YOU!!! Shout out to the 8 of you from Cyprus (?????) lol I hope you are finding this helpful!!!!!)

When I feel at my weakest, and contemplate indulging in public café crying, my number one solution is to hop on the metro! Any metro will do, but I find the line 13 to be the most successful as you are guaranteed to be so squished you may actually feel physical pain due to your internal organs undoubtedly being ruptured.

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Usually when these moments occur naturally (i.e. I find myself stuck face to armpits with strangers on my commute to work, and become so sweaty that I have to spray my body with dry shampoo) I am rather upset and filled with rage.

But when they are self-induced (i.e. my eyes fill with tears because I haven’t had contact with humans other than that baby I was telling you guys about and I run for the nearest metro) I feel unexplainable warmth in my heart. I stand there in the middle of the human sardines, piled in the pungent, non air conditioned metro car, with a huge smile plastered on my face. For maximum effectiveness I suggest closing your eyes and letting the happiness transfuse into your soul via osmosis (what else).

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Worry not, this loneliness solution won’t leave you craving more, because after about 3 minutes of this bullshit you will want nothing more than to run back to your solo apartment and be ALONE. Problem. Solved. You’re. welcome.

Please try this psychologist-approved method to feel better fast! And leave me a comment of your miraculous transformation to independence!!

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If this method fails to save you, my next best solution is to order the Pizza Hut 4 cheese and honey pizza combo that comes with not one but TWO Häagan Dazs ice cream treats of your choice for only 22 euro!!! This worked wonders on me last night. Did I mention I gave up dairy??

BISOUS!

p.s. wrote this post at a cafe alone during happy hour while downing a margarita (INDEPENDENCE IS BLISS)

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