It’s ONLY 11am????

If you want to feel really good about yourself, I suggest you read the following post where I’ve detailed a typical day in my current unemployed life.

8:00am: I force myself to wake up early to feel productive and not have to deal with the guilt I endure when I sleep through half the day. (note: by 11am I really regret waking up so early because I’m already bored as hell)

8:30am: I usually lay in bed for thirty minutes – just the right amount of time to creep every social media platform (twice) and allow my body to wake up to the natural stimulants caused by anxiety and FOMO (medical jargon for Fear Of Missing Out).

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9:00am: Once I finally wake up it’s time to face my first challenge of the day; convincing myself to partake in a 30 minute workout DVD. Usually this takes about 40 minutes of convincing per 10 minutes of actually high intensity interval training.

Working out is really a crucial part to my morning routine because it’s literally the only productive thing I accomplish all day. Side note: it usually doesn’t take me the full 30 minutes because I fast forward to the stretching part at the end of the video.

9:30: After a “workout” I’ll usually make myself a green smoothie. Don’t get too excited and definitely don’t start feeling like shit for your faltering breakfast choices because although it may be green, it’s actually not that healthy. It’s just banana, chocolate powder, peanut butter, almond milk, and spinach. It’s green. It tastes like a milkshake. I drink it out of a mason jar after a workout. I’m a fucking fitness queen in my head. Somebody let me write an advice column !!!

10:00am: Once i’m energized it’s time to crack down and make myself a list for the day so that I will avoid sitting around and inevitably feeling sad – until at least 2pm. I write out a list of at least 5 very unnecessary items to fill up a few hours of the day. These typically include things like, going to the bank to check my balance (I could easily check it at home, but the thrill of driving to the bank is an opportunity I’m not willing to pass up), checking my emails, driving to indigo to look at the stationary (I’m not kidding) and whatever other shit I can think of.

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11:30am: I always imagine this list will take me until about 2pm to complete but I’m almost always done by 11:30 – at which point I really regret not waking up at 10am. (refer to paragraph 1).

12:00am: I’ll do my makeup and usually try experimenting with some new eyeshadow look I saw on youtube or Pinterest, and surely regret it when I have to leave the house later looking like a hooker.

1:00pm: Once I do finally get up enough courage to leave the house and face my biggest fear – the neighbourhood moms-  I try to find the longest possible way to get to my destination. Once at my destination I get so much anxiety that I do the most counterproductive thing possible; I rush.  I find myself speed walking through the isles, I don’t pay attention to the smell of the flowers,  or listen carefully to sounds of the wind, or any other practice of  mindfulness or living in the moment. If I see a long line I immediately get frustrated until I remember the task at hand and think “fuck ya”, this will take up more time and maybe by the time I’m out of this neighbourhood-mom-infested location it’ll be time for another meal!

2:00pm: At this point in the day I start to get excited about getting ready for bed. Will I shower? Light a candle? Watch a movie? Get all snuggled up?

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At several points during the day I contemplate texting one of my few friends in the city and asking if they want to do something, but the thought of preparing myself for a hangout, thinking of somewhere trendy but low key to go, coming up with conversation topics, and god forbid we take a decent Instagram picture, and I have to come up with a caption, and filter – honestly it’s all just too much for me to take on at the moment.

Soon this will all be over when my life resumes it’s usually route but for now, wish me luck as I continue living a life filled with short to do lists, and long hours of waiting for sunset.

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