Antisocial Anonymous

As I go into my fourth year of college I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting on what the fuck I actually learned during the past 3 years.

After much thought I think it’s safe to say my greatest discovery and piece of advice I’d like to pass down to my younger peers, is that the pre-drink is always 1000 times more fun than the actual club outing.


(This of course only holds true if you are like me, and club dancing ranks in your top 5 greatest fears)

If you ever find yourself stuck between one of life’s most challenging rocks and hard places i.e. how to go out but not go all the way out (in reference to the club) then boy do I have good news for you!

The following is a story of a time where I pulled the perfect party trick, and was able to have a bitch ass night, AND still make it home by midnight !! (I’m a riot!!)


It all started when I brought non-alcoholic wine to pre-game, and downed the entire thing in front of everyone.

I then proceeded to dance in the middle of the party while people watched in horror as they assumed I was “drunkly embarrassing myself” as I fist pumped to Katy Perry alone.


By 11pm people were rubbing my back and force feeding me water and carbs on the couch (fuck yeah).

As people started gathering their things, re-applying lipstick, and desperately trying one last time to get a good Instagram picture (failing to face the reality that if they weren’t able to capture one within the first 20 minutes of the pre-game, the final 20 minutes’ pre-club departure weren’t going to provide anything promising) – someone finally said what I had been waiting to hear all night:

“I think you’re too drunk to come out to the club, you should probably go home and get some rest, hun”

Music to my ears!!!!!! With the balance of a 100% sober shyster, I gathered my belongings, and headed straight home where I could re-convene my antisocial life.


As the school year starts back up please give this trick a try! Remember not to over do it because you will inevitably look stupid and everyone will think you are a loser 🙂

Best of luck!!!!!



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