At the risk of sounding like every other angsty millennial with a blog, I’ve decided it’s time I talk openly and unapologetically about my experience going to therapy for a year in the middle of high school.
The hardest part about going to therapy was finding my therapist’s office after I’d taken six back roads so that nobody leaving school headed in the same direction as me would ever find out where I was secretly going.
Telling a stranger with a PHD every shitty thing I believed about myself, wasn’t nearly as scary as the time I saw a teacher of mine in the parking lot of my therapist’s office, and hoped to god he wouldn’t see me, and my mental short comings wouldn’t plague my university recommendation letter I’d requested a week before.
For me, going to therapy wasn’t hard because I wanted to get better. I wanted to be in love with life like the people around me were. Therapy wasn’t hard because after 6 months, my life had never been better, and my heart had never been more full.
Therapy wasn’t hard because nothing is harder than sitting in a Denny’s bathroom wondering what the best way to end your life is.
Therapy is not hard, and what I realize now that my 16-year-old self didn’t realize before, is that hiding therapy shouldn’t be hard either. What I’ve come to learn is that on some level we’ve all suffered from depression, anxiety, or just been really really sad or felt like total fuck ups.
Your stories, and trials of coping with your unexplainable sobbing episodes are nobody else’s business, as are your yeast infections, chest colds, birth control appointments, and pap tests. They are simply a normality of life that we all have to deal with.
I’ve never felt comfort in knowing that “I was not alone” in my sadness. In all honestly it just made me feel more hopeless to think that everyone else was sad too, and heightened my fear that there was no point to living after all. To me, hearing that “I was not alone” meant that nobody was happy and life sucked for all of us.
So I’m not here to tell you that you’re not alone, I just want to say that feeling like shit is normal, but it’s not okay. If you’re feeling like shit and you can find an opportunity to go get help, do it.
If you take anything away from this post let it be that overcoming a mental health disorder is much like having a yeast infection. Just remember yeast infections are totally normal, they happen to the best of us, we all accidentally wipe the wrong way every now and again, but you got to go get yourself some ointment asap and take care of yourself. Because life really rocks when your vagina isn’t burning! 🙂