As I am graduating university with a bachelor of commerce at the end of this year, networking has basically taken over my life and Eminen’s song “Lose Yourself” basically sums up my feelings about this satanic ritual of firm handshakes, hovering the snack table, and exchanging business cards.
If you are not familiar with this song please take a listen or else this blog won’t make any sense to you (I’ve attached this link mainly for my mom, and my 13 followers from Sri Lanka – I’m not sure if Eminem is big there ???)
Look, if you had one shot or one opportunity, to seize everything you ever wanted in one moment, would you capture it or just let it slip? Yo-
Eventbrite emails are filling up my inbox with invites to recruiting networking nights at the top companies on Bay Street so naturally I am forced to throw on my forever 21 power suit and expect my big break!!
His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy. There’s vomit on his sweater already: Mom’s spaghetti-
For me there is no physical vomit yet, but god knows if I keep pounding back the complimentary wine, there is sure to be some soon.
He’s nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready –
Don’t be fooled by my Forever 21 power suit. Deep down I am just a powerless soon to be grad with an empty bank account.
But he keeps on forgetting what he wrote down the whole crowd goes so loud, he opens his mouth but the words won’t come out. He’s choking, how?-
LITERALLY HOW??? I’ve rehearsed my elevator pitch a thousand times in the mirror and spent hours researching these recruiters on LinkedIn (on private mode obvi), yet somehow I have nothing to say and forget who they are!!! SOS
The clock’s run out, time’s, up over now-
The wine is gone, and people are leaving, I haven’t given out a single business card (because I spent 20 minutes in the bathroom shuddering at every wrong decision I’ve made in my life that has led me to this pathetic state) and I have no leads on any such jobs, not even anyone to go home and wait 3-5 business days before sending them a request to connect on LinkedIn. Damn it.
Snap back to reality oh there’s goes gravity-
Ok ok it’s still September, I have like 4 months before jobs start to be filled. There is time, I just need to buy a few more power suits, and really nail this stupid elevator pitch. For now, I’ll just continue working my minimum wage job and try not to fail linear algebra even though I’m pretty sure my professor is speaking Chinese and not English ha ha ok cool I can do this.
He’s so mad but he won’t give up that easy–
So what I got asked to leave by the CEO for hovering the snack table and putting crab cakes in my purse????? There’s another recruitment networking session next month and you bet I’ll be back!
Success is my only mother fucking option, failures not-
I have spent too long making countless Pinterest boards of my dream kitchen and let me tell you it’s not going to pay for itself. I cannot go down jobless post-graduation!!!
Okay well I’m pretty sure this is the most humiliating thing I’ve ever shared on the internet but alas, desperate times call for desperate measures. That being said if anyone knows anyone who is hiring soon to be commerce grads please find my contact information below!!