The Instagram Epidemic

I think we can all admit that Instagram is like ruining our lives, but also is like the only thing that’s giving it meaning. Don’t deny it – I’m so sick of people claiming to have a “healthy” relationship with Instagram. Is there even such a thing as a healthy relationship with Instagram? The entire premise of Instagram is to create unhealthy habits of constant obsession with yourself and with people you don’t even know. I would agree that everyone abuses the power behind Instagram differently, and ultimately is abused by the power of Instagram differently but one thing is certain; Instagram is a sick and twisted drug that fucks with our minds by evoking simultaneous, instantaneous, and limitless self-love and self-loath.

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Like I said, we are all victimized by Insta in different ways. I personally like to spend about 70% of everyday stalking my own Instagram, usually smiling like a proud mom of the alter ego I’ve created through carefully staged and edited photos of donuts, fake boyfriends, and trendy wall paper. Once I’ve had enough of that, I’ll switch gears and begin to stalk my weekly pool of people who have better Instagram’s than me. I always have a revolving pool of approximately 4-7 girls who are in the same socio-economic state as me, usually just outside my friend circle. These girls often work as RedBull promoters, and are slightly hotter and better dressed than me. It can be assumed they have more stable friend groups, and they almost always have boyfriends. To put things in more simple terms: these girls are the mason jars of the world, and I’m a Styrofoam cup in comparison. The remaining 30% of my day is spent scrolling through their photos, and flipping back to my own feed every so often to rip it apart. If I ever run out of girls in my pool, I go to the “Explore Page” (created by Satan himself) for .5 seconds and instantly find thousands of new girls to become obsessed with.

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Instagram is straight fucked. Instagram is the greatest issue facing America today. I think the only people who aren’t being fucked by Instagram are people who have shitty Instagram feeds and like less than 200 followers. And those people don’t need to be getting fucked by Instagram, because let’s face it, they are being fucked by life (if you can’t identify with anything in this blog – you’re in this category). Hard to say which is worse though– all that is certain is that it’s become a race to the bottom.

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So yeah, I often think about deleting Instagram and just giving up, but here’s the thing: the only thing worse than playing the Instagram game, is not playing at all. So like, fuck no am I going to delete Instagram, because everything I’ve been working towards would lose all meaning. I’ve built an entire life around an Instagram persona. Without Instagram I don’t even know if I would find trendy brunch enjoyable??  I’d have to reconsider everything I do, everything I eat, and everything I wear.


The sad part is, we are all setting ourselves up for absolute chaos, because there is no way this shit is sustainable. Eventually no one will be able to keep up. We will all just fucking lose our minds, and have to go back to eating unflattering foods like tuna noodle casserole and wearing clothes for more than like 2 weeks. Lame as fuck. This is modern day Darwinism, only the strongest will survive. At the rate things are moving, if you don’t already have a brand deal with detox tea or a teeth whitening company – you’re not going to make it.

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