I’ve tried every diet in the book, including but not limited to the Keto diet, intermitted fasting, carb cycling, paleo, gluten free, and for 2 days I even went vegan! But needless to say, all these endeavours ended in the same way: me binge eating carbohydrates until I physically felt ill.
But fear not, I’ve finally cracked the code, and discovered the secret to eternal body positivity; Not giving a fuck. For the first time since I was like 16 I’ve just been eating whatever the fuck I want, whenever the fuck I want, and not to sound like vain or anything but I kind of look hot as shit- even naked!! (Every girl’s dream!!!) I literally shove Doritos, and ice-cream down my throat and wake up the next day to my dream body time and time again. I’d be lying if I said my bedroom lighting and mirror placement weren’t a factor contributing to my body revolution but alas.
Having a hot body stems from the cosmoses – the more you fixate on it, the more out of reach it becomes. Once you break the cycle and escape the headspace that praises the idea of cheat meals, you’ll no longer be a prisoner in your own body. There’s like a legit science behind it, something like the guilt you feel makes you feel bad and want to eat more or something. Its unhealthy and such a waste of energy.
We are destined to do great things, and can’t waste our brain power counting calories, weighing our food, and starving ourselves for half the day. LIBERATE YOURSELF!
I know if someone told me to just stop giving a fuck a few years ago I would have looked them dead in the eye and told them to fuck right off because my reality was that if I didn’t feel like I was starving to death then I wasn’t getting any thinner!!! I thought the best I could do was to provide an overview of what a typical week in my life of eating might look like:
Monday: Kept a full bag of vegan Doritos in my purse and shoved fistfuls of them into my mouth on the subway, at work, and in the gym change room.
Tuesday: Ran 3 miles in the morning, ate oatmeal with a banana, nuts, and almond milk, ended my night hammered off a bottle of Chardonnay at a gay bar, ate 2 slices of pizza post bar, AND stopped at A&W before going home.
Wednesday: Ate a Quest protein bar and an Earl Gray ice-cream cone for dinner.
Thursday: Started day with avo toast with an egg, ate Sushi and green juice for dinner (I am an icon)
Friday: Went to a spin class, drank a pressed juice, got drunk off one Girls Night Out Sangria (from a can), ate a hot dog from a street meat vendor and fell asleep with the lights on.
Unless you want to compete in a bikini competition or be an Instagram bikini model, there really is NO POINT in obsessing over what you eat or how you look. Just eat what you want, mix in a salad and a spin class, and let go of the idea that one day you’ll have abs because abs won’t make you happy, but not stressing so much about your body WILL. I’m almost like overpowered by my pudgy stomach, and the way it feels when my thighs chafe because that’s the way my body is when I’m feeling my best, and being MY healthiest. There is NOTHING healthy about a mindset that enables you to feel stress and guilt after eating.